Other reminders, such as cards addressed to the person who has passed, fumbling alone with the Christmas tree stand and even certain holiday movies can make us feel out of sorts with the season. Everyone else seems joyful and we feel sad. We feel the need to move toward a healing place.

It is easy to drift into activities during the holidays that can increase our pain. We may have traditions that we have previously upheld, doing the same thing at the same time in year past. But there are other choices that can be made, such as the suggestions from the Hospice Foundation of America: choose, communicate and compromise.

You can choose what activities you wish to participate in, who you want to be with and what you want to do. You may choose not to bake for Christmas this year. That is okay. You may choose not to go to the office Christmas party. That is okay, too. The choice is yours to make. Only you know how you feel and if you have the energy and/or the desire to participate.

Communicate your choices with others--especially those who might be affected by them. After all, they are grieving too. Their way of dealing with grief may be different than yours. Talk about why you may want to celebrate the holidays differently. Most people, once they understand your feelings and needs, are willing to be flexible. It is also important to counter the "conspiracy of silence". Family and friends who love you may think they are doing you a favor in not upsetting you by not mentioning your loved one. Break the ice by talking about your loved one. Tell people it is important to you to talk about your loved one during the holiday season, when s/he is constantly on your mind.

Compromise with others. They way you cope may be different from other family members, as each of us deals with loss in our own particular way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. We need to find space to compromise. For instance, if you see the Christmas tree as a tribute to your loved one and others think it would be disrespectful to put one up this year, sit down and discuss each point of view. Maybe a smaller tree placed in a different room would be a suitable compromise. Those who want to decorate can and those who choose not to participate will still be respected.

Don't forget to choose, communicate and compromise!